Self harm

I saw it after 10 months! It had the same shine; it was wrapped in a cloth after all. When I brushed my skin against it, it brought back memories. How I missed it on nights when I was left alone. Even after 10 months, I still wanted to feel it. As I held it tightly with my fingers, I had flashbacks of the old cuts. And as it entered my flesh, a tear escaped my eye. I pulled the blade vertically downwards on my skin, forming a cut. For the first time in ten months, I felt a pain which was more than the weight that I felt in my heart. Ah, how satisfying it was to see the blood ooze out of my skin. I took in a deep breath and made another. Then another breath, and another cut. I let my tears pour out and get mixed with my blood. The pain that I gave to myself was making the pain inside seem like it was nothing and I liked it this way. I just sat there, inside the quiet dark room and everything was so quiet, I was alone again. After 20 minutes, my eyes were dry, yet red, and the taste of the salty tears was still on my lips. I got up and cleaned up the mess, then quickly washed up my face and wrist. That night when I went to sleep, I realized that my addiction is back and these blades are now going to be my best friends. Though this time, no one will know this happened as no one will ever notice now. After all, I’ve changed and now I’m the happiest kid around.

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3 thoughts on “Self harm

  1. Hello there,
    Reading this post made me want to say “HONEY, I AM PROUD OF YOU!!!!”.
    It is very difficult to get out these cycles of self harm and it can be the most addicting thing (happens to some). Sadly, the number of self harmers are increasing, it ain’t their fault. Absence of love or lack of it is toxic. So happy to read this.
    Just remember your skin, your flesh, your blood are the only things that will walk the red carpet with you, so preserve them to be flaunted only.
    Love ❤

    Like

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