Nothing special

And there was nothing special about her. She was ordinary. Plain ordinary. Nothing about her was too fancy. She was not like those instagram models. She was not one of those pretty girls in her school. She was not a popular kid. She faced trouble making friends. She was no good at any sports. She wasn’t one of those girl who guys swooned over. They only made fun of her. She was nothing like the girls she read about in books that she ended up falling in love with. She was an insecure little girl. She felt the most confident when she was around people who understood her. She was never the type to go and speak in front of a group of people. She sat and laughed at what others told. When she felt like people were paying attention to her, she laughed a lot because that’s when she felt the least worried about what they thought of her. She liked to live in her own little bubble. When she has a one on one person conversation, she talks properly and puts her thoughts forward but as soon as she sees people joining in, she starts shying away or starts laughing and doesn’t complete what she was saying. It’s not intentional though, she never wants to do that. She wants to be confident too but something inside her doesn’t let that happen. She was often categorised as “annoying”, “stupid”, “mad”, “kiddish”, “naive”, “dumb” and anything that she really wasn’t. People who actually had a proper conversation with her would tell you that she was like any other person. She doesn’t do stuff that any other kid her age does. She doesn’t smoke or drink. Not like she considers people who do stuff like this are bad, she just didn’t want to do such stuff yet. She didn’t feel confident in short clothes and she didn’t feel the best in the body that she had grown in. She saw all her flaws and tried to conceal them. She loved hoodies and oversized clothes. She was an empathiser. She would try her best to understand how you felt and would always try to help. She would encourage you to do good things and she would always make you feel better about yourself. She was often told that she is very loud and obnoxious. She never wanted to be that way. She had parts of her no one notices or knows of. Like the way she sung to herself when she went for her everyday walks. Or the way she danced in her closed room as she got ready. Or how she liked polaroids and wanted to learn the guitar and how she wanted to travel the world and found love stories so overwhelming. Or the way she spoke to herself while doing things she wasn’t sure of. Or the way she spoke to the moon, about things no one cared about, except her and the moon itself. Or the fact that she cried herself to sleep many times because of all the emotions that she felt. People who actually knew her, also knew that she was more than what she shows. She knew where her limit was. She had so many things she wanted to do but she would have to step out of her limits for that. She was filled with emotions that certainly were not understandable. She was not as naive as people thought. She wasn’t just that girl who laughed a lot and was really awkward and didn’t talk. She was more than that. She knew she wanted to end this walk but she kept telling herself , “come on, just another step”. She dreamt. She spoke about her dreams with a passion in her eyes. She wanted to own a small cafe in the city of France. She wanted to jump off the plane wearing a parachute because she loved the adrenaline rush. Those were two things she always wanted to do. She was just another girl with dreams that can’t be fulfilled. She was just another girl who wasn’t confident enough to face the world. Nothing too special about her. 


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